Tempted to argue your point? Try leading with curiosity
91滴滴鈥檚 diverse community is one of its greatest strengths. Students, staff and faculty bring a wide range of perspectives, lived experiences and viewpoints. But what happens when those perspectives collide 鈥� when agreeing to disagree isn鈥檛 enough or when a conversation starts to feel like win or lose?
The answer, according to a new conflict resolution training program at 91滴滴: Start by reframing the conversation.
That鈥檚 a key lesson from 91滴滴鈥檚 inaugural Student Conflict Mediation workshop, offered by the Office of the Vice-President, Equity and Community Inclusion (OVPECI) over three days in March. Designed for upper-level student leaders, the program built skills in communication, conflict de-escalation, mediation and collaborative problem-solving. 23 91滴滴 students completed the training workshop, and plans are underway for a staff workshop in the spring, and several other student workshops in the near future.
The goal: to empower student leaders to approach difficult conversations with empathy, respect and openness 鈥� and to see conflict as an opportunity for understanding, not division.
鈥淭he way these students showed up in this inaugural cohort was truly inspiring,鈥� said Vice-President, Equity and Community Inclusion, Tanya (Toni) De Mello. 鈥淏y leading with curiosity, empathy and respect, they are creating space for common ground and deeper understanding in their classrooms, communities and beyond. They are ready to disagree better and to repair where harm has been caused. This program highlights that mediation is collaborative, centering the views, values and beliefs of others to get to the heart of disagreement and move conversations forward with shared understanding. We want to build a campus where we begin to do that more.鈥�
From winning to understanding
Olesia Demediuk, an MBA student at the Ted Rogers School of Business, was one of the first participants to complete the program.
As an HR professional, she regularly facilitates complex and high-stakes conversations, across teams and leadership levels. These can range from labour relations to workplace investigations. She wanted to sharpen her toolkit.
鈥淭he workshop reinforced that conflict is often less about the issue itself and more about how people experience and interpret it,鈥� says Demediuk.
Shifting the conversation from 鈥渨ho is right鈥� to 鈥渨hat matters most鈥� can help uncover the values and beliefs driving a disagreement.
MBA student Olesia Demediuk is applying conflict mediation skills in her professional career as human resources leader. She approaches conflict as an opportunity to find common ground and shared interests.
She says that prior to the training, her focus was on solving disputes.
鈥淭he move from managing conflict to facilitating understanding was an important takeaway,鈥� she says. 鈥淎 thoughtful clarifying question, or reflecting back someone鈥檚 perspective, can dramatically change the tone of a conversation and actually strengthen relationships.鈥�
The ability to create space for open, respectful dialogue is not simply a communication skill, but as a core leadership responsibility that directly builds trust and organizational effectiveness.
It鈥檚 not about right and wrong
Noor Salih, a third-year law student at 91滴滴鈥檚 Lincoln Alexander School of Law, was already taking an Alternative Dispute Resolution course as part of her law degree when she joined the OVPECI workshop to delve deeper.
鈥淟earning how mediation allows people to reach mutually acceptable outcomes while preserving relationships sparked my curiosity about what these conversations look like in practice,鈥� says Salih.
Legal training is, by nature, adversarial, focusing on strategy, rebuttals and opposing arguments. Mediation asks for something different.
It encourages a shift in mindset 鈥� one rooted in curiosity rather than persuasion, says Salih. 鈥淒uring a mediation exercise, I noticed I had stopped thinking about what I would say next and was instead focused on understanding what the other person was trying to communicate.鈥�
Her takeaway: Conflict is often less about disagreement and more about feeling unheard.
Listening as a skill
Law school student Noor Salih has sharpened her mediation skills to better foster inclusive and supportive environments for navigating conflict and leading difficult conversations in a constructive, respectful and open way. Law school student Noor Salih has sharpened her mediation skills to better foster inclusive and supportive environments for navigating conflict and leading difficult conversations in a constructive, respectful and open way.
One of the most valuable skills Salih developed was learning how to ask open-ended questions. Inviting people to share their perspective can surface the underlying concerns shaping a conflict 鈥� and slow the conversation down in a productive way.
She recently put that into practice in a client-facing role, when she paused during a stressful interaction and asked open-ended questions instead of pushing forward.
鈥淚 learned her hesitation related to filling out forms was rooted in uncertainty about how her information would be used. Taking the time to understand that completely shifted the interaction.鈥�
Less polarization, more curiosity
As president of the Women in Leadership Association (WiLA) at the Ted Rogers School of Management, Demediuk draws on mediation principles in her own leadership work.
鈥淚鈥檝e seen firsthand that when individuals feel genuinely heard and respected, the quality of outcomes improves and relationships are strengthened,鈥� she says.
Skills like deep listening, reframing and recognizing power dynamics become especially important when group identity shapes how people see a conflict. Identifying shared goals early, and focusing on mutual outcomes rather than competing wins, makes it easier to move forward together.
鈥淭raining like this gives students the tools to engage in difficult conversations with openness rather than defensiveness,鈥� says Salih. 鈥淲hen people feel heard and respected, disagreement becomes less about division and more about dialogue, and that鈥檚 where meaningful understanding begins.鈥�
Media inquiries:
Tanya (Toni) De Mello, vice-president, equity and community inclusion is available for interviews on conflict resolution as a skill anyone can learn. Email tulrich@torontumu.ca to connect.
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